The Arizona DUI Tragedy

The following story is a 100% true and accurate account of an experience with the DUI gauntlet in the state of Arizona. I have changed the names of the people I encountered to protect their privacy. I have, however, included the real names of the Detention Officers, as they do not deserve protection in my humble opinion.

The Offense

In August of 2010, I was arrested on the charge of driving while intoxicated. Not just a garden variety DUI, mind you, but what is called the Extreme DUI. When I do something, I like to go big.

I had no idea what was in store for me, as nothing, and I mean nothing, like this has ever happened to me before. I can honestly say I hope nothing like this ever happens to me again. Many would say that it is within my power to prevent getting another DUI, but after hearing some of the stories from my co-offenders, I am not sure it’s entirely in my power. That is to say, if their stories can be believed. No one really wants to admit that they got a DUI because they were drunkity drunk drunk and decided to go tooling around town in their car. I understand the trepidation to admit doing something really knuckleheaded, but I fully admit and own my mistake. I should not have been driving that night, but I was. It was a bad call, bad call, Ripley. Fortunately, I didn’t hurt anyone nor damage property. Having said that, it is amazing that what I have had to go through is the punishment for a first time offender (for anything, not just DUI) and with the fact I caused no harm to person or property. You would think I killed a busload of special needs children on their way back from church camp.

My car was impounded for 30 days, costing $15 per day in city impound. Here’s how naïve I am. I thought I could go back to the scene the next day and pick up my car! Scottsdale Police are pretty relentless and they had my car scooped up and towed to impound that night. When speaking to some of my fellow DUI offenders, they had good cops who told them if they called someone to come get their car before the tow truck arrived, it wouldn’t be impounded. I wasn’t so fortunate. I actually didn’t have my cell phone with me, as I was just running to the store. Plus, everyone knows how dangerous it is to talk on a cell phone while driving.

I was at home drinking and left. Yes, I know. You can stop laughing, shaking your head, rolling your eyes or whatever else you’re doing to indicate “What a dumbass”. I was at home, didn’t have to work the next day, cracked open a bottle of wine and commenced to feeling sorry for myself for various and sundry ridiculous reasons. When I finished off that bottle I decided I wanted more. It was after midnight and I knew the grocery store I can walk to was already closed, and I would have to go to the 24 hour Wal-Mart, which is more convenient to drive to. The rest is history.

The next morning I thought I dreamed the whole thing. I mean, I don’t get into trouble with the law, plain and simple. When I looked at the papers that the police gave me from the night before I got that anxious flesh crawl you get when you know something really bad you have no control over is about to happen, is happening or in this case, has happened. I am someone who has a fairly good handle on their life. I am not one of these people who can’t get out of their own way. I’m not a control freak, but I run a pretty tight ship with my life and don’t get into trouble too often, especially of this magnitude. I immediately got on the internet and started researching. I saw in the paperwork that my first court appearance would be in about a month. I sent out e-mails to friends who were in law enforcement, who were lawyers (unfortunately not DUI attorneys), and other friends just to reach out. I made sure I contacted the right people, not some friends who would be all, “Oh, you should have known better” yadda yadda yadda. I didn’t need a judge right then, I needed support and sympathy. I was clueless as to what was happening, and as I learned what was happening I went from incredulous to angry to very sorry back to angry and back to incredulous. The laws in Arizona regarding a DUI are, to say the least, Draconian.

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